I'm not particularly attached to hair. I don't get upset if the lady at the hair salon cut my hair a little too short, or put highlights a little too bright in my hair because I know it's just hair and it will grow back. My family probably still has evidence of misguided hair cuts I've had even into my teens. As a matter of fact the choices made about my daughters hair have been mostly by her request. I was touched one day when she said that she didn't want her hair short in front any more that she wanted to grow her hair long so she could wear it like mine. So, I explained to her that if she didn't get it cut for a long time she could have hair like mine. So she let it grow and it grew beautifully.
I didn't get upset when her step mom texted me while she was out visiting them and told me that my daughter wanted her bangs cut like her little sister's bangs. I told her, it was her hair she could do whatever she wants with it. I only got a little upset when the next picture I saw of my daughter while she was out visiting for the summer was a picture of her with crudely hacked off bangs much shorter and uneven than I thought anyone would intentionally cut someone's hair (clearly whoever cut her bangs didn't know you have to take into account that curly hair springs up after it's cut), but I got over it's. It's just hair and it will grow. Besides, school pictures were still a few months away. She got her very first professional hair cut the day before her first day of Kindergarten and her bangs have grown out nicely. I loved her little springy curls! She looks so cute and lively.
So here we are. August 31, school pictures are on September 10. I am in the kitchen making brunch for my daughter and I when I walk into her play room where she's watching some cartoons. I set her bowl of noodle soup on her little plastic table and there sitting on the cushion of the couch in front of me is a big clump of brown curly hair. I look at it confused for a second. I pick it up and that's when I notice the pink and purple handled safety scissors laying nearby. The clump of hair so big it takes up the entire palm of my hand.
I hold it out and ask her in a somewhat panicked tone,"What is this?"
She puts her head down and reaches for the place on the side of her neck where here hair used to be and mumbles,"My hair."
"Did you cut your own hair?" I asked still a in disbelief.
"Yes." she replied is a sad tone.
"School pictures are in less than 2 weeks! Is this what you want your hair to look like in your pictures for everyone to see and keep forever!?" I took her by the hand and said, "Come here."
I took her to her bedroom to look in the mirror so she can see what she did to her hair. Every step of the way there I was thinking about how I was going to tell her how silly it looks to have one side of your hair short and missing a giant clump. How it doesn't look good to have random pieces of hair hanging at uneven lengths on one side of her head. This is how I was going to make sure she understood she should never cut her hair by herself again.
Then something happened. She came face to face with the mirror I asked her again,"Now is this really what you want your hair to look like in your school pictures?"
That's when I noticed it. My daughter was standing in front of the mirror tilting her head this way and that. A big smile on her face as she shook her head to watch her curls shimmy around. Then it hit me. She didn't see her hair that way. She saw something much more important. She saw herself as beautiful. No matter what her hair looked like. My daughter was looking in the mirror and only seeing a beautiful little girl with one side of her hair cut pixie short.
"Yes!" she said.
"You like your hair like that?" I asked
"Yes!" She said still smiling and entranced by her beautiful reflection in the mirror.
That's when I realized, I could either teach my daughter that she is beautiful no matter what. Or I could teach her to look in the mirror and find fault with something about her body. I wasn't going to do that. I don't ever want my daughter to look in the mirror and see herself as anything but beautiful. My daughter is beautiful no matter what style her hair is: Long hair or short, hacked off bangs or not, even or uneven, or no hair at all. She is beautiful.
I felt the panic and disbelief subside.
"Ok." I shrugged. "It does look kind of cute even though one side is shorter than the other. Just promise me you won't ever try to cut you own hair again, ok?"
"Ok, I won't. I'm sorry Mommy"
She gave be a big hug than went back to looking at her cute little curls again.
