The Importance of Imaginitive Play

Lately I've been noticing more and more bloggers and concern parents discussing certain topics. Most conversations lately seem to center around the idea of stereotyping their child's gender and trying to promote the idea of gender equality through gender neutral choices for their children. From the more feminist side of the tracks there seems to be war on all things "girly" and their arch nemesis are the Disney Princesses, Barbie, and of course the color pink. Having been a tomboy my whole life. One would be inclined to think that I would jump right on this bandwagon, but I don't. As a matter of fact I make sure I clear a path and stay out of its way. However, the writers and thinkers of these blogs make some very good points and are actually founded in best practices of child development, so before you try to figure out which points are valid and which ones are just over the top ramblings of an extreme point of view let me clear away some of the rubble.

Limiting any child's view of themselves in dangerous, boy or girl. Limiting any child's imagination is crippling to their development, boy or girl. When you try to pigeon whole any individual into a certain role or set of expectations it becomes a point of frustration. The best thing you can do for your child, boy or girl, is expose them to a variety of experiences, toys, and dramatic play scenarios without ridicule or making them feel shame for their choices.

Many parents, cringe at the idea of seeing their sons dressing up in heels, carrying a purse, and feeding a bottle to a baby doll. Just as others struggle with the idea that their daughter would rather play with monster trucks than comb a Bardie's hair. These are good healthy things for your children to explore. For example, during the first week of school last year a three year old boy would dress up in a pink dresw with a purse and would carry around a baby doll while feeding her a bottle. He was calling the baby by his younger sister's name and saying he was Mommy. What this child was doing was dealing with separation anxiety. He was concerned about mommy being at home taking care of the baby all by herself so he was acting out her role. Children develop a better understanding of family roles and roles in society when they experiment with pretending to be different characters regardless of gender.

So, why is there such an uproar about girls and Disney Princesses lately? The main concern is that pretending to be a specific princess limits a girl's view of herself and her imagination. In an article shared on the 7Wonderlicious Facebook page I found probably the best explanations of it's dangers in the article titled Are Princesses Really So Bad?! However, the concept can be applied to characters boys typically idolize as well. When children take on the role of an already well known character they limit themselves to acting a certain way. The events their character encounters tend to be the same events that happened in the movie or book that they were read. Rarely do they go off script and explore their own solutions to problems or even pause to consider whether the actions of their character were the best idea. In my experience, this is the biggest danger of Princesses and Super Heroes, especially when you consider most solutions for from the Super Hero point of view involves violence, and most solutions from the Princess Point of view involves believing a girls only saving grace is her beauty and only chance at happily ever after is to marry. Below is a picture one of my friend's shared on Facebook that perfectly defines the fears some people have of their daughters only seeing themselves as princesses.

However, children do not read this deeply into their characters. A young child pretending to be a certain princess does so because she sees herself as beautiful and kind. Which is something every girl should be encouraged to see herself as. We can help our children develop the kind of princess or super hero they become by talking to them about their choices and actions as their character. The next time your daughter pretends to be Ariel ask her how she would try to communicate with the prince if she had no voice. Could she write a note? Play a music? Draw a picture for him? The next time your little Batman has an enemy in his grasp ask him what else he could do to save the day. Would you call the police? Talk to the bad guy about making a better choice? They might be reluctant to go off script at first, but once they get the idea that they can use their imagination while they are pretending to be someone else's imaginary character they'll enjoy it, especially if you encourage better choices.

So, no, I'm not one of those mothers that tries to gender neutralize my daughter out of existence. I like I having a daughter. I like that she gets as much joy out of wearing frilly dresses as she does out of wearing her light up navy blue Cars sneakers while she catches bugs. I like that one moment she can be pouring me a cup of tea at a tea party and the next playing football with her Pappap in the backyard.

I think it is significantly misguided to teach our children to completely reject their identity as a boy or girl. While I do not want my daughter to think the only thing of value she has to offer is her beauty, I also don't want her to reject the idea that she could be feminine. I feel there is a power that ever girl has in understanding that she is beautiful and how to enhance that beauty for their own enjoyment. I used to be the kind of tomboy that would never wear pink because it was too girly. My every day attire was wind pants and a baggy t-shirt so I was ready to play sports at any moment. I erred too far the other way. I saw myself only as an athlete. Which is just as limiting as only seeing yourself as any one thing. It seems to be human error on every aspect of life that we think that to be one thing means we must exclude being the other. This is not true.

So, encourage your children to be themselves. Build on their interests and promote a positive self image, whatever that may be.